Arachnophobia!!!

My Fear Of Spiders Explained

I'd Post a Picture But I'm Too Scared To...

Let's face it! We are all afraid of something. Some people are afraid of snakes. Some are afraid of CLOWNS (Sabrina...hahaha). I am deathly afraid of spiders. Even just a picture of a spider can ruin my daily routine. My facebook peeps find this quite amusing. I am starting to think when any one given person on my facebook see's a picture of a spider, their first thought is "Oh this will scare the shit out of Amanda, and its going to be super entertaining to watch!" Not cool, guys! So here you have it, my list. No pictures - because honestly...just writing this creeps me out. 

1. They have 8 legs. Why do they need 8 legs? So they can be creepy, that's why.
2. They have way too many eyeballs. Why? So they can watch you, me and your uncles cousin all at the same damn time. I once danced with a spider. True story. I saw it, freaked out, moved to the right and then to the left and that damn thing followed me like it was getting into attack mode. Not cool. 
3. They JUMP. Not only do they jump, but they jump good. Did you ever see a spider on your ceiling and then look back up and it was gone? Yeah, it's probably in your hair. Or already in your ear eating your brain. Or- the ceiling fan threw it across the room. If you want to see my super ninja moves, put a spider by a ceiling fan. You never know where the hell they are going to fly. I'm OUT!
4. FANGS. Fangs and the fact that they enjoy blood. I don't think this needs an explanation. 
5. They are EVERYWHERE. I once got sent a picture that said something like "There is a spider within 8 feet of you at all times". WHY?! I do not want them in my house. I do not want them near my spouse. I do not want them near my fam, I do not LIKE them, Amanda I am!!
6. Babies. They have a billion babies. Those babies sprout little webs and fly through the air for miles and land right on your legs as you are trying to sun bathe. Some even think it's cool to carry 'said' babies on their backs so when you squish them they crawl up your legs and you die. Probably. 
7. Webs. Nothing ruins your day like a big ol' spider web to the face. Your spider dance will come out every time. Not only do you have to wash your face, but you should probably change your clothes too. Chances are, its on you, and he's planning his attack. 
8. They really can kill you. Some are deadly. What kinds? I don't know, I'm too scared to google them...so that's probably how I will die.
9. There are way too many different kinds. Some are very small, some are hairy, some are skinny, some are fat. There are colorful ones, there are HUGE ones. Honestly, did you ever see the huge ones? Ugh...
10. I have arachnophobia. That's reason enough.

What makes my fear of spiders worse is that I can't do anything if I see one. No joke! The bleach spray can only do so much. I am honestly too scared to step on it, squish it with a flyswatter, suck it up with a vacuum hose, you name it. I wish I could just grab my can of hairspray and a lighter and burn the damn thing. Apparently, thats unacceptable behavior, so I hide in a different room until my husband comes home to squish it. (Pea size or huge...doesn't matter)

My husband thinks it's hilarious to buy the fake ones and throw them at me on his way in the house. Not cool. Why? Because they end up under the couch and I always lose my phone. Where do I look first? Under the couch, only to get the piss scared out of me and dance around like a nut case. 

I will admit, I am now scared of changing the toilet paper rolls because someone sent me a picture of a really ugly spider hiding in one. (Thanks a lot, Michael!) ICK! Enough of this. Now I'm going to have the creepy crawlies all damn day. 

Why couldn't I just be afraid of clowns? At least they aren't hiding in your ceiling corners, well hopefully not. Hahaha. Are you looking Sabrina??

I had to. LOL!!!

****Note to my facebook friends: This is not an excuse to post even MORE spider pictures. Jerks. LoL!!